Chapter 1: A Challenging Month

November proved to be quite demanding for me. Aware of the hurdles ahead, I concentrated on my priorities, taking life one step at a time.

Just last Wednesday, I had one final day to navigate before I could ease up and welcome December. I planned to take it slow, feeling fatigued and anticipating a full day of in-person training the following day. However, as the hours passed, my condition deteriorated instead of improving. Upon my husband’s return from work, I decided to visit the Accident and Emergency department, known as ER in Singapore, suspecting a case of diverticulitis.

Indeed, that turned out to be the case. A week later, here I am, recovering in the hospital. It has been an incredibly tough week, one that rendered me unable to work. Though I'm feeling quite unwell, I will be discharged tomorrow, marking nearly a week of hospitalization.

This year has had its ups and downs. It began positively, but I soon fell into a deep depression that lasted several weeks. I managed to emerge from that phase, hoping the year would conclude on a brighter note. Yet, life threw me another curveball.

What have I been concentrating on this year? My main focus has been on nurturing my mental health, particularly in being more compassionate towards myself. Even then, I found that I needed a gentle reminder from a friend.

During her visit, I shared that I often experienced emotional breakdowns around four to five in the afternoon, leading to intense crying sessions. My friend pointed out that given my physical pain and inability to eat while hospitalized, it was completely normal to struggle with my emotions. She reassured me that it was okay to feel sad under these circumstances.

Her kind reminder allowed me to extend grace to myself. What I perceived as weakness, she recognized as resilience. It can be challenging to see the reality of our situations clearly. As the clock struck four, I felt that familiar lump in my throat. Yet, with a glimmer of improvement in my condition, I decided to channel my feelings into writing.

How can writing alleviate the pain I’m experiencing? This led me to ponder how this could potentially be the best thing that has happened to me. I stumbled upon this question from one of my favorite YouTubers, which has sparked some reflection on my part.

While I’m grappling to identify positives in this situation, here’s what I’ve managed to uncover:

Life is invaluable, and being alive is a privilege not to be taken for granted. Though it may sound cliché, it's easy to overlook this truth amidst life's chaos. Pain complicates everything, and it’s essential to remember that we never truly know what others are enduring in their journeys.

I had to reach out to a company I work with and inform them that I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my duties due to my hospitalization. I felt awful about it, yet their response was filled with kindness and understanding—reinforcing why I value my role there.

I've realized that mental well-being is intertwined with our physical health. My year-long dedication to improving my mental state has equipped me with the necessary tools to navigate my emotions during tough times.

I’m fortunate to have friends who consistently check in on me and some who visit when I'm up for it. I felt no need to mask my struggles, allowing me to be honest about my mental state.

Interestingly, I discovered that engaging in small tasks helped me alleviate my feelings of despair. Whether it was completing a Duolingo lesson, calling my insurance company, or knitting while watching Netflix, these activities kept my mind occupied and provided temporary relief.

Similar to overcoming a craving for a cigarette or a drink, the intensity of these feelings will eventually pass if we can distract ourselves with other pursuits.

Lastly, my husband has taken charge of managing our home life alongside his job. He has visited me daily, going out of his way to bring me my favorite chocolate and showing empathy during my emotional moments. He constantly reminds me that my health is the top priority.

I even have some humorous anecdotes about the challenges of finding suitable veins for IV placement, resulting in multiple attempts and a few bruises. Now that the pain has subsided, I can laugh about those experiences.

As writers, our life experiences serve as a wellspring for creativity. While I can’t definitively say that this experience is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, it isn’t the worst either. I’m still here, I’ve endured, and I will continue to persevere.

The first video, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Summarized by the Author," delves into the importance of focusing on what truly matters in life, and how to let go of unnecessary burdens.

The second video, "EVERYTHING You Think You Know About Yourself Is WRONG!" (How To Find Yourself) | Mark Manson, explores self-discovery and the common misconceptions we have about ourselves.