Understanding Male Ego and Relationships

During my teenage years, I was taken aback when my father proclaimed, “If you're not getting any at home, then it's fine to seek it elsewhere.” This statement, directed towards my mother, left me speechless. He expressed this without any hesitation, treating it as an undeniable fact.

The complete version of this saying is: “If a man must love multiple women, he loves none. If a man loves one woman, he loves all.”

This notion divides opinions; some fully support it, while others vehemently oppose it. I once stood firmly on one side but have since shifted my perspective. Initially, when I encountered this idea on a radio show, I dismissed it outright, feeling personally attacked. It felt as if the speaker was targeting me, igniting a sense of defensiveness.

In retrospect, I doubt the originator of this concept intended it to refer solely to affection for another person; rather, I suspect they were discussing physical intimacy. The prevailing attitude towards male sexuality often skims the surface. My father's perspective was a clear example of this, as he once suggested I pursue an affair with my married boss, rationalizing it with, “You know she wants it!”

The idea of conquest underscores this mindset—believing that the number of women one sleeps with somehow validates masculinity. This approach ultimately diminishes a man’s strength, as it fosters a lack of self-control and discipline.

Engaging in superficial interactions leads to transient results and fails to cultivate enduring value. In fact, I argue that such behavior can be detrimental to one's inner self. True intimacy deserves respect and care; when we engage in physical connection, we share a part of ourselves. Similarly, we also receive a fragment of the other person's essence. Without a commitment to honor that essence, we have no right to it.

Sexual encounters trigger feelings of pleasure through the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine and oxytocin, which can mislead us into thinking we are experiencing love. While casual hookups can be enjoyable, clarity is crucial. Are both partners aware of the nature of their relationship?

At one time, I justified my actions by telling myself, “We aren’t married, so it’s fine if I see other women.” This rationalization might have eased my conscience, yet it left out an important consideration: the other person's feelings. I recognize that this may paint me in a negative light, but on some level, I was being self-serving. I could be kind and attentive while simultaneously seeking the next encounter.

As a man, there comes a point when maturity is necessary.

Are you genuinely seeking a partner for life, or are you merely indulging in physical pleasure? There was a period when my pursuits revolved solely around personal gratification, which ultimately stemmed from my ego. While I appreciate the pleasures of intimacy, I questioned whether that should be the ultimate goal.

I had no desire for marriage at that time; I lacked the strength to commit and nurture a meaningful relationship. The pursuit of fleeting encounters offered an easy escape from the responsibilities of love and growth. Constantly cycling through partners leaves men stagnant, trapped in a repetitive cycle with no real progression.

Conversely, loyalty and dedication foster trust and safety. These qualities cultivate a sense of security that connects us with others and supports mutual growth.

Objectifying partners and treating them as mere conquests does not lead to valuable, long-term relationships. In our youth, it's easy to overlook the finite nature of life and our inherent need for genuine connections. True love embodies commitment and action, not just empty promises. The absence of such depth leads to outcomes that no man truly desires.

Keep the Faith. Love Wins.