Section 1.1: Expecting Flawlessness

During the exhilarating phase of strong attraction, it’s common to view your partner as perfect, almost placing them on a pedestal. This perception often points to infatuation rather than true love. Relationship specialists assert that authentic love acknowledges and embraces imperfections. It thrives on a foundation of reality, maturing by recognizing and accepting flaws. If you frequently feel disappointed or upset when your partner fails to meet your unrealistic expectations, it may indicate that your feelings stem from a longing for an unattainable ideal rather than genuine love.

The relentless pursuit of perfection in a partner often arises from an inability to confront one’s own shortcomings. In contrast, true love fosters mutual growth and acceptance, creating an environment where both individuals can be flawed and evolving. A relationship that collapses at the first sign of imperfection likely lacks a solid foundation of love.

Section 1.2: Accelerating the Relationship

Infatuation is characterized by its rapid pace, thriving on the thrill of new experiences and early romance. Many confuse this quick intensity for love; however, true love develops gradually, built on shared experiences, trust, and mutual understanding. If you rushed into a relationship, driven by the fear of losing the exhilaration of the initial phase, you may have overlooked the chance to cultivate a stable and enduring love.

Susan Winter, a relationship expert, emphasizes this distinction:

"Infatuation lives in illusion. Love can survive reality."

This insight suggests that moving too quickly may indicate you are more enamored with the concept of the person than with the individual themselves. Genuine love embraces a slower, more intentional pace, allowing emotions to mature over time.

Section 1.3: Feeling Uncomfortable

Being in love means feeling free to be your authentic self with your partner, embracing vulnerability and comfort. If you often find yourself feeling uneasy, carefully presenting only your best attributes, or hesitating to share your deepest concerns and imaginative thoughts, this might suggest that what you feel isn’t true love. Authentic love nurtures a profound connection that allows you to feel safe and accepted, regardless of your state.

Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned research professor, has found that a strong sense of love and belonging is intrinsically linked to the ability to be vulnerable. Those who feel compelled to always "perform" or maintain appearances struggle to achieve the depth of connection that love demands. Love is about being at ease with yourself and your emotions around your partner.

Section 1.4: Experiencing Diminished Closeness

If the initial intimacy you shared with your partner starts to wane and you seek reasons to spend time apart, this growing distance can be a significant sign that love is lacking. In a loving relationship, couples may experience fluctuations in passion, yet the underlying desire to be together remains constant. Frequently finding excuses to cancel plans or preferring the company of friends—or solitude—can indicate that the emotional bond isn't as robust as it should be in a loving relationship.

A decline in the desire to share everyday moments, whether mundane or special, can reveal a disconnect that suggests the relationship was founded on something other than love. True love involves both partners wanting to intertwine their lives rather than separate them.