Subtle Attacks and Passive Aggression

“A significant indication of an envy-driven attack often begins with subtle digs — offhand remarks crafted to irritate.” — Robert Greene, The Laws of Human Nature.

This insight stems from the 10th law (The Law of Envy) in Robert Greene’s work. Jealousy is frequently suppressed by those who feel it, only to leak out through passive-aggressive actions. Such behaviors reveal their true feelings in small, unexpected ways, often catching you off guard.

For instance, when you secure a job you’re excited about, instead of receiving congratulations, a jealous person might quickly point out potential downsides, saying things like, “I heard employees there don’t tend to last long,” feigning concern while trying to diminish your joy.

The Need for Competition

Research published in the European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology indicates that jealousy often fuels a competitive drive in individuals. For them, success is defined by surpassing you; their achievements feel hollow if they don’t exceed yours.

This competitive spirit is rooted in feelings of inferiority. Consequently, jealous individuals may strive to outdo you as a way to validate themselves. However, their very need to compete indicates their acknowledgment of your abilities. In close-knit environments, such as at home or work, jealousy can manifest prominently.

For example, if you find yourself struggling at work and notice that your jealous counterpart seems to revel in your misfortune, this is a red flag. As psychotherapist Araya Baker notes, they often wait for your failures to criticize you, while becoming sullen when you succeed.

Undermining Your Success

Reflecting on my own experience, I was part of a music group where jealousy was palpable. One talented singer faced undue criticism from our vocal coach, who rarely acknowledged her skills. Instead of providing constructive feedback, he seemed eager to point out her flaws, as if her talent posed a threat to his authority.

Individuals who harbor jealousy often attempt to diminish your accomplishments because they perceive them as a threat. This behavior is especially evident when you excel in areas where they feel insecure. For instance, a relative may dismiss your artistic talent, labeling it a "waste of time," driven by their inability to recognize your potential.

Clinging to Friendship

Interestingly, studies indicate that the very traits that spark jealousy can also draw individuals to want to befriend you. This duality is familiar to many; friendships that begin positively can sour as jealousy seeps in.

Robert Greene emphasizes that those who feel envy may initially seek closeness, but as they observe your strengths more frequently, the envy intensifies. The most alarming aspect of jealousy is its often unrecognized presence. Others might notice it before the jealous person does, making it crucial not to overlook signs of passive-aggressive behavior, even from someone who seems friendly.

Gossiping Behind Your Back

This is the type of friend who smiles in your presence yet belittles your achievements when you're not around. Jealousy often finds an outlet in gossip, allowing individuals to vent their frustrations and diminish your value to others.

For instance, they might tell mutual acquaintances about your supposed shortcomings, framing you as merely lucky rather than talented. As Robert Greene notes, “Gossip serves as a common disguise for envy, a means to express it through harmful rumors.”

This tendency to gossip is comparable to society's fascination with celebrity scandals, where admiration is often intertwined with envy, leading to a rapid spread of negative news.

Final Thoughts

Experiencing jealousy can be challenging, not only for the person feeling it but also for the one on the receiving end. Being disdained for your successes is deeply unsettling, especially when it comes from someone close to you. As the actress Bette Midler aptly remarked, “The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”

The first video titled "9 Signs Someone Is Secretly Jealous Of You & Behavior Hacks To Respond" explores the subtle indicators of jealousy and offers strategies to manage these complex emotions.

The second video, "15 Signs Someone is Jealous of you," delves into various signs of jealousy in friendships and relationships, emphasizing the importance of awareness in navigating these dynamics.