Living the “Dream”

> "Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." — Dalai Lama

From a young age, I was fortunate. Raised in a loving family in suburban Cleveland, I excelled in school and graduated from The University of Texas in 1999. I moved to Chicago and landed a dream job at Sapient, a leading Internet firm. By twenty-four, I had been promoted multiple times and started my first business, selling my own brand of pajamas—successfully generating a million dollars in the first year, although that venture ultimately failed.

Without pausing for reflection, I leapt into my next project, driven by a desire to explore the world but held back by fear of how it would appear on my résumé. With little money in the bank, I took the "responsible" route.

In 2005, as Facebook gained traction on campuses, I developed technology that helped major corporations connect with students via social media. This led our agency to become a leader in social marketing. By 2011, we sold the agency for $50 million and became part of Publicis, the world's second-largest advertising holding company.

Before the sale, I launched a new platform to help Fortune 500 companies engage with their advocates online. Within a year, this new venture was generating a million dollars in sales, and I raised $15 million from a prominent venture capital firm. Soon, we expanded to nearly one hundred employees with revenues approaching $20 million. Everything seemed effortless.

That’s when I was let go. Investors approached me, seeking my enthusiasm to raise another $20 million for growth, but I found none. Somewhere along this incredible journey, something within me had either died or awakened. After months of declining interest, the investors asked me to step down from the company I had founded.

As children, we don't dream of innovative methods to market unnecessary products. Yet, many of us find ourselves in that very reality. We are conditioned to excel academically, attend a good school, secure a stable job, marry, raise children, and climb the corporate ladder. While this path might seem noble to many, especially Gen-Xers and Baby Boomers, it led me astray. Despite achieving what society defines as success, I felt anything but successful.

Getting “Lost”

> "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." — E.E. Cummings

Veering off the conventional path of success left me feeling confused, ashamed, and isolated. I distanced myself from friends, colleagues, and former associates, unwilling to explain my situation until I felt secure again.

As I navigated this tumultuous time, I saw other aspects of my life unraveling. My termination coincided with my recent engagement after nearly thirty-seven years of bachelorhood. After searching for "the one," I found an amazing partner, yet something essential was missing. I didn’t realize then that the missing piece was me. For fifteen years, I had dedicated over sixty hours a week to work, leaving little time to discover my true self.

In May 2014, after leaving the company I founded, I faced the daunting question of what came next. For the first time, I truly didn’t know. I took a two-week vacation with my fiancée—my longest yet. We returned to New York to plan two weddings: one in New York and another in her hometown of Tel Aviv. However, as I walked down the aisle for our first wedding, I felt numb. I loved my fiancée deeply, and I knew she loved me in return, yet I lacked excitement and passion. I felt dead inside.

Between the two weddings, we embarked on a month-long honeymoon across Europe. This should have been a dream come true, yet I felt more alone than ever. I had always been a romantic at heart, and this was a moment I had long envisioned, yet it failed to resonate with me. I recognized that something was profoundly wrong, and it wouldn't be resolved quickly. I was lost.

Initiating the Search

> "The truth is that you already are what you are seeking." — Adyashanti

So, what have I been doing over the past three years? My parents might be wondering the same. I was married, "successful," living in New York with a new puppy, yet I felt more lost than ever.

To uncover the source of my dissatisfaction, I sought the help of a psychologist, trying a few others as well, but none provided the clarity I needed. I felt completely stuck. I didn’t need therapy to analyze my thoughts; I needed to connect with a new way of being. Although prescribed antidepressants, I never took them. Addressing my symptoms with medication didn’t feel like the path forward. I sensed a growing desire for something deeper and yearned for answers.

At my core, I viewed myself as a spiritual person. I spent five years studying at the Kabbalah Center in New York and read countless spiritual texts. Yet, until that point, it had been an intellectual pursuit. My analytical mind dominated my thoughts, leading me to seek logic and data for every decision in life, which only amplified my doubts.

It became evident that the answers I sought weren’t a complex riddle my mind could solve. My mind could explore every angle, but the truth was not a singular "right" answer; it was about discovering truth and purpose. Without realizing it at the time, I set out to find mine.

Breaking Through the Ego

> "Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. He who looks outside, dreams. He who looks inside, awakens." — Carl Jung

I had recently heard about ayahuasca through a cousin of my then-wife, who had an enlightening experience with this ancient plant medicine. She was spiritual, conscious, and an entrepreneur, and I admired her. As she described her experience, I felt a strong desire to participate.

I researched ayahuasca and learned it originated in the Amazon rainforest as a psychotropic tea. It contains two plants: ayahuasca and chacruna. The latter has DMT, a naturally occurring substance that can lead to profound psychedelic experiences. People worldwide use it for emotional, physical, and spiritual healing.

My extensive Google research revealed remarkable accounts of its benefits, with few risks apart from those taking antidepressants. I wondered why I was just now learning about this. The more I discovered, the more eager I became to experience it. A few weeks later, I attended my first ceremony.

I arrived at an old yoga studio in my Williamsburg neighborhood, where fifteen other participants were seated on yoga mats. Our shaman, a Peruvian man in his sixties, arrived shortly after. He looked less exotic than I had imagined, dressed in khakis and a button-down shirt. As he began to explain the beauty and ancient roots of this medicine, I felt a sense of reverence.

The tea is traditionally administered by a shaman during a ceremony, utilizing music and various sacred tools to enhance its effects. I had adhered to a strict diet in the week leading up to the ceremony and had meditated on my intentions. I sought clarity of purpose, openness to love, and a surge of energy—elements I hadn’t realized were missing from my life until then.

One by one, we approached the shaman’s altar. When my turn arrived, I stood up and took my first cup of the thick tea. After meditating quietly for about an hour, I began to see vivid visuals—intricate geometries in a spectrum of colors. Yet, my ego held on tightly, echoing doubts and fears in my mind. I was trapped in the mental confines of my lifelong conditioning. Thankfully, I recognized that the answers I sought existed outside that box.

When the shaman called for a second cup, I leapt to my feet. Shortly after consuming it, I became aware of the incessant chatter in my head. This endless noise, which I now realized was not my true self, was merely my ego. As soon as I acknowledged this, my ego dissipated, and the universe unveiled itself. I felt the energy in the room, sensing how interconnected we all are.

I saw the harmony and order of existence. I understood that life is filled with love and abundance. Our egos create division, trapping us in a world governed by fear and scarcity. The pain we endure serves as a wake-up call. Once awake, we can choose our own path. Up until that moment, I had been fixated on my past and anxious about my future. For the first time, I felt that I was exactly where I was meant to be.

Asking Questions

> "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

The following day was filled with bliss. Everything tasted better, people were kinder, and I felt at peace. I began journaling, and thoughts flowed from me effortlessly. Typically, I could hardly recall the details of my day, but this time was different. I was present, truly present.

Yet, as days passed, doubts began to creep back in. A lifetime of conditioning cannot be undone overnight. Though some lessons remained, uncertainty reemerged. As a Type A individual, I felt compelled to have everything figured out, but I found myself paralyzed by fear. I attempted to start a new company—an instinctive move—but ultimately shut it down after six months.

I pushed myself to replicate society's formula for success, feeling pressure to launch a venture even grander than my last. I wanted to make my marriage work and live out the fairy tale. Conversations with friends revealed that many of them were unhappy or unfulfilled. I spoke to numerous individuals longing for different partners, careers, or lifestyles. Even fellow startup founders felt lost, yearning to pursue their passions while chasing investors instead.

I realized I couldn't return to that world, but the only way out was to forge a new path. My mind opened to alternatives outside the traditional societal mold that had confined me for so long. I sought out individuals who had found joy and peace in their lives, following their advice. I became mindful of what I consumed, embraced yoga, experimented with various forms of meditation, and explored diverse spiritual and holistic practices. Despite being married, this journey often felt solitary, as those around me struggled to understand.

A New Vision

> "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." — Lao Tzu

A couple of years after our wedding, it became evident that my wife and I were on divergent paths. We had sought marriage counseling, read books, and engaged in numerous discussions, yet nothing brought us closer. The day before my birthday, we chose to separate. The following day, my wife took me on a birthday weekend to the Hamptons, which included my first skydiving experience. Jumping from a plane was a powerful reminder of the exhilaration our fears prevent us from experiencing.

In the ensuing months, I participated in several more ayahuasca ceremonies in Brooklyn, each more profound than the last. I also attended a three-day retreat focused on yoga, meditation, and vision in Bermuda called Braveheart, where I met a spiritual life coach named Akasha, who would significantly impact my journey. After the retreat, I realized it was time to travel. Ideas for new businesses buzzed in my mind, but I understood that life couldn’t be put on hold.

I embarked on a two-month backpacking adventure through Southeast Asia. Having never traveled alone before, I meticulously planned my itinerary, selecting Cambodia and Thailand as my destinations. However, I soon discovered that most of my research was useless. In life, a plan can only take us so far.

Traveling alone in Southeast Asia required adjustment. I encountered inexpensive hostels, breathtaking beaches, bustling neighborhoods, serene yoga retreats, impoverished communities, a silent Buddhist meditation retreat, and the chaos of Bangkok. Some days were filled with discomfort and loneliness, but they were often followed by excitement and connection. From then on, whenever I faced a tough day, I knew the next would be better—and I was always right. By letting go of expectations and beliefs about how things should unfold, life revealed itself in ways I could never have anticipated.

My journey led me to Vagabond Temple, a beautiful yoga and meditation retreat in a coastal Cambodian town. I attended a ten-day program that coincided with New Year's, aptly named "A New Year, A New You." The experience culminated in crafting a ten-year vision for my life. Until that moment, I had gone almost forty years without thoughtfully considering the life I wanted to live. Now, I had a clear vision to follow, and I was unaware of how quickly it would begin to manifest.

An Awakened Mind

> "You are not just a drop in the ocean; you are the entire ocean in the drop." — Rumi

Upon my return, I resolved that New York was no longer my home. It no longer resonated with me or aligned with my new vision for life. Until then, my ultra-competitive Type A identity defined me, and even New York seemed too slow-paced. I had always taken pride in walking faster than everyone else on the streets. Now, I needed to slow down and find space to simply be. A month later, I packed my belongings and tearfully bid farewell to my wife. My dog and I boarded a flight to Miami.

My best friend Barry, also a tech founder, had recently relocated to Miami from San Francisco. One of my primary goals was to cultivate a sense of community in my life and the lives of others. Barry shared this vision, and together we aimed to support local founders in thriving, leading to the creation of Miami Made. We had no idea how much we would receive from this endeavor. We formed incredible friendships and established a community that genuinely made a difference.

One of the founders we met through Miami Made was a successful restaurateur who had also experienced ayahuasca. He organized a trip to Tulum, Mexico, with friends, which would become a pivotal event in my journey.

Barry and I arrived in Tulum for a five-day retreat that included three ayahuasca ceremonies. The experience was nothing short of magical. Our group consisted of twelve participants, including the hotel owner, and we had the entire venue to ourselves, set amidst lush vegetation and exquisite details. I sensed that this week would be special.

The following day, while dining and swimming at a stunning oceanfront hotel, a Mayan numerologist approached us and offered readings. Intrigued, I decided to participate and received a reading that resonated deeply, culminating in my mission: "Heal myself so that I can heal others." Barry exchanged knowing glances with me, recognizing the significance of this moment. It was simple yet profoundly impactful, becoming my intention for that evening's ceremonies.

The next five days were transformative. I shed many of the blinders my ego had constructed, awakening to numerous truths about myself and the universe. While ayahuasca played a crucial role, many other experiences contributed to my transformation. I participated in a Temazcal (Native American sweat lodge), marveled at Tulum's beauty, and engaged in profound conversations with an incredible group. I learned from our shaman, who shared his deep wisdom acquired through countless ceremonies, and also from Barry, both as a guide and a fellow learner.

The lessons I absorbed were too numerous to list in full, but I will highlight a few that were pivotal in shifting my consciousness toward a more peaceful and joy-filled existence:

1. Let Go. My first shaman had mentioned that one could delve deeper into the medicine during the ceremony by sitting up rather than lying down. My Type A tendencies compelled me to sit upright, even when discomfort arose. I noticed a sense of superiority for my determination while others lay down. This competitiveness had influenced many areas of my life, driving my "success" but also limiting my connections with others and myself. As I continued to resist, a deeper voice urged me to surrender. I felt cold and ultimately lay down in a fetal position, covering myself with a blanket. The moment I did, warmth enveloped me, and my ego faded. I was finally able to experience life as the Universe intended.

> "Whatever you fight, you strengthen; and what you resist, persists." — Eckhart Tolle

2. Tune In to Vibration. Much of my life had been spent in my head, consumed by thoughts. I was closed off to truly feeling and experiencing the world around me. It became abundantly clear how disconnected I had been from my body, nature, and the universe. I moved too quickly, neglecting to attune myself to the rhythms of life. Only by tuning into these vibrations could I find balance and harmony.

> "If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration." — Nikola Tesla

3. Choose Happiness. The Mayan reading resonated in my mind, reminding me to prioritize my own healing. I recognized how often I created my own pain, sometimes to conform, other times out of guilt for others' suffering, or merely to validate the narratives my ego constructed. I had taken on others’ pain as my own. I realized that only by nurturing my own happiness could I serve others effectively. For the first time, I granted myself permission to prioritize my own joy and self-love.

> "My life has been filled with terrible misfortunes—most of which never happened." — Mark Twain

4. Be the Source. Reflecting on my life, I recognized how far I had come and how much I had evolved. I could clearly see how my intentions and desires had shaped my reality. Each of us possesses the power to create the world we wish to inhabit, and the ripple effects of our actions influence the broader universe. We often underestimate our own power. I felt immense peace and optimism upon realizing that I am the author of my life.

> "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." — William Shakespeare

5. Manifest Now. I felt the truth that I am at the center of the universe, as are we all. We exist in this moment, and this moment is all there is. Spiritual leaders and quantum physicists alike assert that time and space are illusions; all manifestations occur now. Physical reality consists merely of details, while energy and its expressions form the essence of existence.

> "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." — Chinese Proverb

6. Play Your Role. During the final ceremony, I looked around and recognized the incredible individuals present. I understood each person’s role in manifesting this trip and the moment we were experiencing. Each of us holds significance in the lives of those around us and in the world at large. I acknowledged my role as a heart-centered leader. I often hesitated to fully embrace my power, fearing to draw attention or incite resentment. In this moment, however, I accepted my truth, my purpose, and my gift. I felt like a proud lion, both my astrological sign and my spirit animal, ready to roar.

> "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you." — Dr. Seuss

7. Create Value. Throughout the ceremonies, I confronted the creations of my past. Professionally, I had impressive achievements, but on a soulful level, they felt empty. My strength has always been in creating products and brands, yet the world doesn’t need more products—it requires solutions to significant problems. My mind often generates clever strategies to exploit market gaps, but I now recognized that my focus must shift toward creating genuine value. The rest would follow.

> "Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value." — Albert Einstein

8. Embody Love. "Love is a Religion," a local Native American guide shared during our Temazcal ceremony. These simple words struck a chord with me. We often fixate on differing beliefs and which are "correct," losing sight of the core message: we inhabit an abundant world that can meet all our needs. Fear and scarcity foster division; love is the ultimate goal and the only necessity. If we all carried love in our hearts, no one would go hungry, and everyone would have a home.

> "I belong to no religion. My religion is love. Every heart is my temple." — Rumi

9. Give. I felt immense gratitude for all I have received. Much of my struggle stemmed from my desire to share my blessings with the world. I had long felt like an artist without a canvas, seeking a way to express myself. I now understood that I couldn’t force this expression; it must arise from my heart. I needed to be whole, step aside, and allow my gifts to be used as the Universe intended.

> "Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it." — Buddha

10. Choose Oneness. This theme emerged prominently throughout my journey. I realized that separation is the root of all pain and suffering. Disconnecting from our hearts and personal truths leads to suffering. When we separate from one another and the world, we experience pain. My journey illuminated the interconnectedness of all beings; we are one soul, one heart. This realization was so powerful that I named my new venture 1heart, envisioning a world where people, businesses, and society operate with this principle at its core.

> "Unity consciousness is a state of enlightenment where we pierce the mask of illusion that creates separation and fragmentation. Behind the appearance of separation lies a unified field of wholeness." — Deepak Chopra

And one final lesson, which hit me profoundly at the end of our last ceremony:

11. Keep Going. Throughout the ceremonies, I encountered challenging moments, just as in life. During our final ceremony, I found myself face down on the floor, desperately thirsty, unable to move, purging everything from my stomach. I felt utterly powerless. Yet, I persevered, and that day ultimately became one of the best of my life. This lesson resonates with my journey over the past few years. Despite the toughest challenges, we possess everything we need within us. Life is perfectly orchestrated to impart the lessons we must learn. We never face something we cannot handle.

> "Every strike brings me closer to the next home run." — Babe Ruth

The Path Forward

> "Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do children as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." — Helen Keller

As I pen this article, it has been over six months since my trip to Tulum, yet the lessons remain deeply ingrained. Many may fade, but I hold the truth with unwavering certainty, which contradicts our common teachings and the incessant noise of our egos.

In the past six months, I’ve participated in several more ceremonies here in Miami and explored various practices, including reiki, amanae, sound healing, breathwork, Gratitude Training, crystals, essential oils, and meditation. There is a wealth of ancient wisdom concealed from us. By opening our minds and seeking connection rather than separation, we can discover healing and growth within these experiences.

With greater awareness, I began examining the life I had built since relocating to Miami about a year ago. Everything I articulated in my ten-year vision in Cambodia was taking shape. I realized the narrative I had told myself about being "lost" was untrue; I saw the continuous progress in my life and how I had been guided here. I felt incredibly fortunate to be in this moment, in this life.

Most individuals grapple with finding peace and happiness. Some seem content, but few radiate the vibrant aliveness we are all meant to experience. I’m not suggesting that I embody this state at all times, but I do so more frequently now than at any point in my adult life. Each day, I feel more alive, joyful, and at peace. What we need are not more Wall Street bankers, lawyers, or startup founders; we need individuals living their truths, discovering their purpose, and embodying joy and love. This should define our collective vision of success.

In my most recent ceremony, it became apparent that I possessed a story worth sharing—a voice that could resonate. I had navigated the journey of someone who had "succeeded" in life according to societal definitions, only to find myself utterly "lost." Despite my analytical tendencies, I recognized how I had overlooked the truth and the clarity needed to see the world as it is. I felt compelled to share my journey, not as the only path but in the hope of encouraging others to embrace being lost. It is often through this state of disorientation that we discover our true purpose.

I aspire to inspire others to stumble and even fail according to conventional definitions of success. I aim to redefine being lost as our natural state of being, the very place where we uncover our true purpose. Having spent my life in pursuit of tangible goals, this shift has been transformative. Learning to surrender to the beauty life presents remains a daily challenge. The ultimate test is to be present, not consumed by future ambitions. Despite my conditioning, I know this is the way.

This newfound purpose drives me. I seek to help others get lost, find their purpose, and carve out a new path. From this intention, GUIDED by 1heart was born—a platform designed to assist many in discovering their purpose while embracing the journey of being lost. By providing knowledge and tools, we can create a world where true success is measured in joy, love, and abundance.

Though it took time, I have encountered numerous individuals at varying stages of their journeys. I have witnessed and heard about countless people, from diverse backgrounds, awakening to their truths. Our society is on a rapid trajectory toward higher global consciousness. Despite the narratives spun by politicians and the media, the collective consciousness is evolving swiftly. Our destiny is to recognize once more that we are one. We are closer than ever to achieving this realization.

And that’s how I spent the last three years. I remain exactly where I am meant to be—joyfully lost in the vastness of the world, with plans to stay that way. I am at peace, connected to the source, and filled with love in my heart. I embrace all the beauty I am meant to discover and accept the pain that will continue to guide me when I stray from my path. I have discovered my purpose, and for the first time, I comprehend what success truly means.