Embracing Your Reflection: Finding the Beloved Within
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Understanding the Fear of Reflection
For many years, I dreaded glancing at my reflection, haunted by the label of “fat girl” that my mother had etched into my mind. I felt peculiar and out of place, until I stumbled upon Henri Nouwen’s insightful work, The Life of the Beloved. This book revealed how my fear had obstructed my view of my authentic self. If I couldn’t recognize the love within me, how could I perceive it in others? This shameful cycle can lead to unhealthy habits and a life spent in the shadows. I spent a significant part of my adult life feeling invisible, believing the negative words spoken over me.
It wasn’t until I began to engage with my reflection that I noticed a transformation. Although my father encouraged me to express myself, my mother’s doubts overshadowed that support, causing me to trust in my insecurities.
Nouwen’s heartfelt affirmation, “You are the Beloved,” resonates deeply. I share this with you, dear reader, hoping you can absorb these words with the warmth and strength that love embodies. Let them resonate in the depths of your soul.
The Journey to Self-Acceptance
Initially, I struggled to accept this truth. During a session with my Spiritual Director, she asked if I ever looked in the mirror. My instinct was a firm “No!” The thought terrified both of us into silence.
As Toni Morrison wisely noted, “Freeing yourself was one thing; claiming ownership of that freed self was another.”
As a teenager, I would avert my gaze from any reflective surface, too ashamed of the “fat girl” my mother described. The negative voice in my head became a constant companion, trapping me in self-loathing.
One day, while discussing fears with a group of women, I was prompted to share my own. I revealed my fear of success, which surprised my peers, who saw me as a confident leader. This moment of honesty made me realize how deeply ingrained self-doubt had become.
The allure of self-rejection can lead you down a dark path filled with various “-isms”—alcoholism, perfectionism, cynicism, and more. I've battled some of these for years, especially perfectionism. These obsessions serve as a heavy cloak, broadcasting that you are unworthy of love.
“The greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self-rejection.” — Henri Nouwen
Taking Action in the Mirror
My Spiritual Director suggested a transformative exercise: stand before the mirror for ten minutes each day, affirming, “I am the Beloved.” Initially, I found it impossible. For weeks, I would steal quick glances but never lingered.
Finally, one day, I mustered the courage to hold my gaze. I began to notice the nuances of my face, the small imperfections I had always deemed flaws. Each day, I grew braver, less frightened to confront the image before me.
Yes, my eyelids might sag more than I prefer, but the experiences seen through those eyes have shaped my heart. My lips may lack fullness, but every conversation has enriched my life, allowing me to connect with those who differ from me.
After days of practice, I stepped away from fear and embraced the light. Each time I chose to look at myself, I also listened to the reassuring voice declaring, “You are the Beloved.” This voice reminds me of the love and care that shaped me from the very beginning.
What about you?
What fears hold you back?
What distracts you from recognizing your belovedness?
Reflection Questions:
- Do you relate to self-doubt? How does it manifest in your life?
- Have you encountered an “-ism” that has ensnared your heart?
- Name them aloud. In what ways do you accept these beliefs?
- What must happen for you to shed the false cloak of despair?
- Are you on the verge of abandoning your aspirations, trapped in a soul-sucking career? Rather than quitting, what small actions can you take this week to pursue your dreams?
- Close your eyes and envision reaching for your newfound freedom. What feelings emerge? What do you see? How does it feel?
- Before you open your eyes, visualize discarding the shroud of negativity. Imagine a fire beside you—can you toss the cloak into the flames?
- Open your eyes and declare, “I am the Beloved.”
In my morning routine, I often practice a Power Pose: feet hip-width apart, hands on my hips, chest slightly out, head held high. While in this pose, I affirm, “I am the Beloved.”
May you uncover your inherent worth and strength. You are the Beloved.
May your spirit find renewal!
© Nancy Blackman
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Explore the chilling aspects of self-perception in this video, Top 10 Scary Things People Saw In The Mirror. It reveals the fears that can haunt us in our reflections.
Dive deeper into unsettling reflections with Top 10 Scary Reflections Caught In Mirrors, uncovering the complexities of how we view ourselves.
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