Chapter 1: The Paradox of Existence

Navigating the conundrum of a puzzle that appears non-existent.

A common retort in discussions about non-duality might be: "If nothing ultimately matters and no one truly exists, what's stopping me from causing chaos?"

While this thought may sound valid, it misses the mark entirely. This reaction often highlights the human tendency to cling to personal significance, especially when faced with claims of impersonality in spiritual teachings. It’s amusing to see how the mind reacts defensively to the notion of its own non-existence.

This inner conflict can manifest in countless forms and will inevitably continue until it is recognized for what it is (though I understand that might sound like a dismissive conclusion). Even after such realizations, many remain engaged in this struggle, as it keeps their narratives vibrant and compelling.

Concerns about ‘not being accountable’ or ‘life lacking intrinsic meaning’ are often charged with deep-seated emotions like frustration, anger, or despair. This typically arises because the mind finds it challenging to accept the implications of no longer being enmeshed in its own narrative. It’s quite a revelation, if you can grasp it (and yes, that might sound cheeky).

I've undergone profound spiritual transformations and gained insights that have significantly altered my perspective on life. Presently, it seems as if my consciousness is increasingly vibrant and palpable. However, my mind hasn’t entirely vanished; it remains active, most of the time.

The experience of being a human body-mind persists until the breath of life ceases. Recognizing that “everything is merely unfolding for no one” is a peculiar gift. It’s not simply a result of following the right practices or steps, despite our admiration for the spiritual giants who have come before us.

These realizations and shifts in awareness may not hold much significance for the mind, which will undoubtedly strive to claim and monetize them. This aspect of the journey can be quite entertaining.

Awakening seems to carry a beautiful irony; for instance, I once yearned for confidence. Now that it’s naturally present, it surprisingly doesn’t fulfill the ego’s desires. The journey of awakening appears to diminish the weight of personal significance while allowing the experience of being human to persist.

This realization is both intriguing and hopeful, as it feels less constraining than being ensnared in the mind, even if many spiritual guides assert that awakening doesn’t benefit the individual, given that there is no individual. This is true, and yet it isn’t (I know, it’s a paradox).

I can attest that I once faced daily bouts of confusion and suffering for many years, but that has shifted significantly. Whether or not an individual self exists, I recognize, without drama, that I am not fundamentally a human being. Yet, the experience of this seemingly non-existent entity is significantly enhanced.

It can be maddening to play the role of a spiritual seeker, endlessly pursuing enlightenment with various tools while feeling stuck. I’ve felt that frustration and discontent deeply and often encounter others who find themselves trapped in similar circumstances.

In such moments, hearing that “nothing needs to be done,” “you never really existed,” and “everything is already enlightened” can provoke intense anger and resentment. This conundrum of the absolute and relative, often discussed by gurus, coexists simultaneously, which can baffle the mind.

Nonetheless, there appears to be a state of being (rather than thinking) where this conflict dissolves, leading to clarity.

Returning to my earlier point, when individuals confront the idea of their ultimate non-existence and the absence of personal accountability, they often respond with fierce questions and accusations. Regardless of how adamantly they claim to understand, the discourse usually centers around the self.

The notion of a non-existent, unaccountable self committing heinous acts is not a byproduct of self-realization. Such actions may stem from conditioning or the roles we play, but it’s misleading to conclude that “there's no accountability, so I might as well…”

No-self cannot choose to annihilate existence. Yet, the awareness of no-self remains intertwined with experiences that feel intensely real, filled with options.

This phenomenon, sometimes termed ‘liberation,’ isn’t a triumph for the mind, nor does it necessarily entail a personality shift (though such changes often occur). It embodies the deepest sense of relief you might ever experience. It’s akin to catching a fleeting glimpse of the underlying reality, enough to ensure it lingers in your memory long after the curtain falls.

It’s an unparalleled sense of freedom, all while the notion of separation and responsibility persists. There will be no ‘you’ to relish it, yet the experience is profoundly exhilarating.

Chapter 2: The Quest for Understanding

The first video titled I doesn't exist - A Text-Based Adventure with an Avatar Back-Sassing After Solving Puzzles delves into the exploration of self and identity through a unique interactive experience. This adventure challenges players to confront their understanding of existence while navigating through various puzzles.

The second video, Can You Solve the INVISIBLE Puzzle? - Understand - YouTube, invites viewers to engage with the concept of perception and reality, prompting them to question their assumptions and explore the invisible barriers that shape their understanding of the world around them.