Chapter 1: The Burden of Timely Responses

Recently, while browsing through some old Facebook photos, I stumbled upon a snapshot of us enjoying brunch in New York. It was Steve's birthday, and we had quite the wild time that day.

So, I decided to send you an email, hoping it would brighten your day and perhaps elicit a response. However, your reply a week later left me feeling as though my message had not achieved its intended purpose. Instead of joy, it seemed to add to your stress.

You began your email with, "Hey, sorry for the delay," followed by a mention of your hectic job: "Work has been crazy." This made me ponder why a friendly message turned into a reminder of your work-related stress.

It’s not just you; I receive similar responses all the time. It seems that "Sorry, I was so busy..." has become a default greeting. Soon, children in school may have to learn to start their messages with an apology, regardless of whether a day has passed since the last communication. We need to change this norm.

We all have jobs and responsibilities, and everyone experiences overwhelming weeks. But why should those burdens affect our friendships? I don’t want to be part of your work obligations or feel like another task on your to-do list. There’s no deadline for our conversations; you’re not obligated to reply promptly.

When you mention your workload as an excuse for a delayed response, it diminishes my significance in your life. It sends the message that your job is more important than our friendship. I don't need to hear about your stress or feel that you owe me an explanation.

In reality, you have nothing to apologize for.

In today’s fast-paced world, we must alleviate the pressure—on ourselves and each other—to respond immediately. If we were talking face-to-face and you didn’t speak for days, that would be a different story. However, digital communication shouldn’t carry the same weight as in-person conversations.

I want you to reply when you feel inspired, not out of obligation. Personally, I often take weeks to respond, and that’s perfectly fine. I appreciate when others take their time to reply; it grants me permission to do the same.

A friend of mine has struggled with not responding to his close friends for months, feeling guilty about it. This creates a vicious cycle—he delays his responses, feels worse, and then feels even more compelled to craft a thoughtful reply, which only heightens his stress.

We shouldn’t feel this way. Just because there are countless ways to communicate doesn’t mean we need to reply instantly. For instance, I opted out of using Slack at my previous job because I knew it would come with expectations of constant availability. I prefer uninterrupted work time, and I don’t want others to know my every move.

You don’t have to be available 24/7, nor should anyone expect it from you.

Chapter 2: Reclaiming Your Time

In the video titled "Stop Apologizing. SAY THIS INSTEAD!" the speaker discusses the importance of eliminating unnecessary apologies in our conversations. It emphasizes that we shouldn't feel pressured to respond quickly and that our friendships shouldn’t come with strings attached.

Another insightful video, "President Trump Delivers Remarks at the Conservative Political Action Conference," reflects on the pressures of public communication and the expectations that often come with it.

Cherished friend, let’s take back our lives. We have the power to disconnect from the incessant pings and notifications. We can choose to focus on the present moment, free from self-imposed pressure.

If you ever find yourself in Berlin, I would love to have an in-depth conversation with you, fully present and engaged. Even if old friends decide to reach out, my attention will be solely on you.

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