Sharing the Unfiltered Realities

I tend to showcase the brighter aspects of my life when I’m feeling mentally well. Conversely, during times of depression, I withdraw into a shell, reminiscent of a hermit crab seeking safety. This behavioral pattern often shifts with the seasons, leaving me devoid of motivation, energy, focus, and the ability to connect with the very communities that nurture me.

As a society, we are quick to celebrate our achievements but often conceal our struggles. This tendency to mask our vulnerabilities fosters isolation and detaches us from our collective human journey.

Outtake #1: Embracing Imperfection

There are various reasons for my internal retreat. In my youth, I relied on defense mechanisms for survival. My wounded inner child, shaped by past experiences, learned early on that trust is a fragile thing; I cannot rely on anyone else for comfort and love, and sometimes, I struggle to provide that for myself.

Even though my inner storyteller has healed significantly, it still concocts narratives about what I believe others expect or are capable of handling. My empathy for others makes it challenging to articulate my own hardships, as we all carry our burdens silently.

I tend to minimize and suppress the aspects of myself that remind me of my flaws. I recognize this self-critical mindset as detrimental, and I am working towards embracing my whole self. The stigma surrounding mental health conditions can strip us of our completeness, especially when intertwined with our imperfections.

Social pressures also contribute to my reluctance to openly discuss my struggles. Surrounded by friends who seem to navigate life effortlessly—complete with well-kept homes and picture-perfect events—I often fall prey to imposter syndrome. Although I understand these portrayals are illusions, they still affect me deeply.

I refuse to fight the battle against my inner critic any longer, feeling isolated. Instead, I will share my unfiltered reality. I will acknowledge the pain, shame, and guilt that accompany my roles as a mother, wife, and worker, which often lead me to feel inadequate and lazy. I aim to normalize discussions around my mental health challenges, including “functional” depression, ADHD, and anxiety. I invite you to join me in this endeavor.

We are inherently social beings who seek connection; we need to know that we are not alone in our joys and struggles. I deserve compassion, grace, and care—during my joyful moments and my hardest times. And so do you.

If you find yourself struggling, please don’t suffer in silence. Share your own experiences with someone you trust or reach out to a professional. Recognizing your wellness cycles and being open about your ups and downs can help lighten the load before it becomes overwhelming.

Mental health challenges vary widely among individuals and can arise from numerous triggers, or even without any apparent cause. As a survivor of childhood trauma and generational pain, I wrestle with seasonal affective disorder, ADHD, and anxiety. My experiences may not mirror yours, but I’ve come to understand that wellness exists on a continuum.

For those curious about their mental health, further information on depression, the concept of "doom piles," and ADHD is available. If you need immediate mental health assistance, please consult a healthcare professional. Two reliable crisis hotlines include 988 for the Lifeline suicide and crisis hotline, and 800-950-NAMI (6264) for the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which offers valuable resources in the United States.

This video, titled "THE INSIDE OUTTAKES - Bo Burnham (4K)," provides a unique perspective on mental health and self-reflection that resonates with the themes discussed in this piece.

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