Navigating Motherhood: Reflections on a Journey of Love
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As I prepare to send my daughter off to college, I find myself cherishing every moment we have together. My journey into motherhood began when I, a career-focused and educated single woman, chose adoption as my path to fulfillment. When my beautiful daughter joined me at just two months old, our shared adventure truly began.
Now at 17, she has filled our lives with immense love and happiness, brightening the days of everyone around her. As her sole parent, I feel profoundly blessed by the bond we share through the trials and triumphs of life.
However, our two-person family dynamic has led me to grapple with a recurring question:
Have I Done Enough?
My moral compass, grounded in Biblical teachings, has always guided my parenting. Values like selflessness, diligence, stability, and positivity have helped us navigate each stage of our journey. Yet, as my daughter stands on the brink of adulthood, I can't help but feel a mix of gratitude and internal conflict.
A persistent shadow looms over me—a single question that stirs restlessly in my heart: “Have I been enough?” I wonder if my nurturing presence has sufficiently prepared her for healthy, diverse relationships. Did my choice to raise her without a father figure leave gaps in her development? My commitment to avoid romantic relationships during her upbringing may have created an emotional void.
My goal has always been to provide her with a loving and safe home, shielding her from the harsh realities that orphans might face. Our life together has been rich with meaningful experiences, though not without its challenges.
While I feel life has treated us kindly, I ponder if I have adequately taught her about humanity's complexities—the beauty, the flaws, and everything in between. I worry if I have equipped her with the independence needed to thrive in an unpredictable world.
Despite having exposed her to various life experiences, I am uncertain if it has been sufficient. My hope is that her educational and athletic endeavors have prepared her to excel in all she pursues.
Throughout her life, I have strived to model humility and faith, instilling the tenets of our Christian beliefs into her daily life. Yet, I still question if her spiritual foundation is strong enough to uphold the values she has learned.
The weight of my decisions as a mother weighs heavily on me. I often reflect on whether I have acted in her best interests and if my choices have positioned her for success. I fear I may have fallen short in ways I cannot fully comprehend. I can only hope that I have made the right choices.
Despite these doubts, my narrative as a parent includes an unwavering wish: to turn back time and relive the beautiful moments we have shared. However, since that is impossible, I focus on making every moment we have together meaningful.
Perfecting Time
Every moment I spend with my daughter holds significance. The time before she leaves for college is precious, and I want to ensure I fill it with positivity and wisdom.
Here’s my plan:
- I will engage her in discussions about current events, using relatable topics to help her navigate complex issues, like the importance of safety in public spaces.
- I will share insightful resources—articles, videos, and music—with her, ensuring we take time to discuss the lessons they offer.
- I will seek out new ideas and experiences to enrich her perspective, whether through games, drives, or meals together.
- I will respect her natural growth and encourage her independence, allowing her to learn from both successes and setbacks.
- I will provide her the space to seek advice from friends, recognizing their role in her development.
- I will support her autonomy, allowing her to manage her time and make decisions freely.
- We will discuss healthy relationships, empowering her to understand her worth within them.
- I will celebrate her achievements and express my pride in the incredible young woman she is becoming.
- I will encourage her to explore her multicultural heritage whenever she feels ready, standing by her as she seeks answers about her identity.
The essential takeaway is simple: I will always be present for my daughter.
My Consolation
Embracing the transition to an empty nest has felt like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. While I am excited for her upcoming graduation, I find myself plagued by doubts about my parenting. The thought of her leaving home brings insecurities about my effectiveness as a mother to the forefront.
Despite these struggles, introspection brings me solace. I lean on the faith I have instilled in her, which encourages me to believe in my own capabilities as a mother.
I am learning to let go of excessive doubt and allow my expectations for her to shape our family narrative. I want her to embody the values I have imparted, which I hope will remain ingrained in her character.
As I work to optimize our time together for her growth, I affirm my belief that
I have indeed been enough.
I will also encourage her to embrace the responsibilities that come with this new phase of her life.
Writing this reflection has liberated my spirit, reinforcing my belief that I have fulfilled my role as a mother and that my daughter is ready to thrive in her future endeavors.
Thank you for taking the time to read my memoir. I hope it brings you hope, joy, and peace.
Dr. Deborah M. Vereen is a retired Teacher and School Administrator. For more, visit www.Drdeborahmvereen.com or her YouTube Channel, Ignite Family Engagement with Dr. Deborah M. Vereen.
Copyright © 2024 Dr. Deborah M. Vereen. All rights reserved.