Finding Self-Respect Through Sobriety and Boundaries
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Chapter 1: The Journey to Self-Respect
Gaining respect from others is a common desire; it’s part of being human. I used to crave it excessively, letting others' opinions dictate my self-worth. Questions like, “Does this person think I’m intelligent?” or “Am I seen as attractive?” consumed my thoughts. However, time, sobriety, and personal growth have shifted my perspective. I’ve come to understand that the most important opinion I should value is my own, and I finally recognize that I am worthy of my own respect.
Here’s how I cultivated this respect and how I intend to maintain it:
Section 1.1: Learning to Say No
As a woman, particularly one who primarily cares for her family, I frequently undervalued my own time and energy. I found myself baking cookies for school events at midnight, volunteering without compensation, and picking up after others. I believed that by overextending myself, I was earning love and respect from my family and friends. In reality, I was only signaling that I did not value my own time.
While I may return to those responsibilities in the future, for now, I prioritize how I spend my time and energy. I’ve learned to say “no” more often, focusing on my own needs, whether that means working, writing, or simply enjoying a show with snacks. My time is mine to manage, and I refuse to pick up anyone else's socks ever again.
Subsection 1.1.1: Establishing Boundaries
I wish I had understood the importance of boundaries sooner. There was a time when someone inquired about my salary, and rather than standing firm, I answered to avoid seeming rude. Compromising my principles to appease others only detracted from my self-respect. I now recognize that by upholding my boundaries, I not only respect myself but also earn respect from others. And if they can’t respect my boundaries? That’s their issue, not mine.
Section 1.2: Keeping Promises to Myself
In January 2018, I committed to abstaining from alcohol for 100 days. This challenge was difficult but marked the start of my lasting sobriety. It proved that I could trust myself—if I set a goal, I could achieve it. Since then, I’ve made other commitments related to writing and fitness, ensuring they are realistic to increase the chances of success. Fulfilling these promises boosts my confidence and self-respect.
I am also mindful of the promises I make to others. When I fail to keep them, I let myself down as well, making it harder to rebuild my self-respect.
Chapter 2: Embracing Humility and Kindness
I’ve learned the value of admitting when I’m unsure or wrong. In my youth, I often felt invincible, insisting I was right on various topics, and was devastated when proven otherwise. Now, I understand that acknowledging my limitations is a sign of wisdom, and it's far less painful than trying to save face later.
Video Description: This video emphasizes the importance of earning your own respect and the journey towards self-acceptance.
Continuing this journey, I strive to treat others well. Regardless of my achievements or financial success, I find little value in them if I don’t treat people with kindness. This includes simple acts like showing gratitude, understanding different perspectives, and apologizing when necessary. Ultimately, I must like the person I see in the mirror, and treating others well helps me respect myself.
Video Description: Explore practical steps to develop self-respect and foster a positive relationship with yourself.
I’m sober now, and my views on whether others should follow suit may surprise you.