By Sean Clarke

I created this guide to share insights that have truly transformed my approach to living with depression. While many articles offer advice on overcoming this condition, I want to provide a more personal perspective based on nearly two decades of grappling with low moods and depression.

It's crucial to clarify that I am not a therapist; rather, I am someone who has experienced the depths of despair and emerged with valuable lessons. I hope these principles will resonate with you and assist in your journey.

You’ll be relieved to know that I won’t suggest lighting a candle or taking a hot bath. Instead, I aim to provide actionable strategies based on my own experiences. Despite the plethora of resources available, I believe a more individualized perspective can be beneficial.

This guide is straightforward and direct because I understand the urgency of finding solutions that can effectively alleviate your suffering.

It's vital to recognize that moving beyond depression is a gradual process. You didn't fall into this state overnight, and recovery won't happen instantly, either. Accepting this fact is part of the journey.

To bring a sense of clarity, I define normality in this context as follows: "For any change in a person's life, a transformation must occur over time, involving learning and overcoming obstacles."

I want to be candid with you: depression is not merely sadness or a lack of joy. It can feel like a profound void, devoid of worth or hope, where meaning in life seems to vanish.

One key lesson I've learned is that there isn't a singular way out. This might not be what you hoped to hear, but it is the reality. The reason for this is our genetics. Some may find relief through medication, others through therapy or dietary changes. What works for one person may not work for another, and that’s perfectly okay.

In my case, I needed multiple strategies to uplift my mental state. Just as different diets yield varying results for individuals, the same applies to coping mechanisms for depression. Your genetic makeup will influence which methods are most effective for you.

Reflecting on my own struggles with depression, I often questioned my existence and its significance. Although I never felt suicidal, I was lost in a sea of confusion, grappling with thoughts about my purpose and the meaning of life. This journey of self-inquiry is challenging, and it's easy to feel isolated in your thoughts.

Looking back, I realize that my depression had been developing for years before it reached a critical point. I longed for a sense of purpose but felt as though I was merely a fleeting moment in history, destined to be forgotten. This desire for significance was not rooted in ego but rather a deep-seated need to feel valuable.

Even if you appear to have everything you need—a decent job, a loving partner, and a stable home—you may still feel an emptiness within. My own feelings of despair stemmed from a culmination of experiences that made me question my worth.

As I navigated through financial struggles, feelings of helplessness intensified, pushing me further into despair. I felt like I was climbing a steep hill only to be pushed back down, leading to a sense of failure and hopelessness.

This brought forth a cycle of existential questions: "If I weren't here, would anyone notice? Am I truly of any value? Was I born for a purpose?"

These thoughts haunted me, adding weight to my already burdened mind. I realized that many others might share these feelings, and it's not unusual to feel lost in the complexities of life.

In my exploration of various philosophies and practices, I discovered that depression is not an inherent flaw within me; rather, it results from how I have chosen to navigate life. The first step in this healing journey was acknowledging that I am not broken.

Biological factors may contribute to our struggles, but our beliefs and perceptions play a significant role in shaping our experiences. This realization shifted my perspective and allowed me to seek a deeper understanding of myself.

1. Life Is Suffering The first insight that shifted my mindset was the recognition that "life is suffering." This perspective, drawn from Buddhism, helped me appreciate the inherent challenges of existence. Unlike the Western mindset focused on constant gain and achievement, Buddhism teaches that suffering is an unavoidable part of life.

In accepting this truth, I began to cherish moments of joy and clarity when they appeared. Understanding that pain is a fundamental aspect of life enabled me to cultivate gratitude for the positive experiences that punctuate our existence.

2. I Am Nothing and Everything at Once I often felt insignificant, yearning for importance in a world that seemed indifferent. This led me to develop a new philosophy: while I may feel like nothing, I also possess the potential to be something meaningful.

Recognizing my place in the larger tapestry of humanity, I learned that I, like everyone else, am a small part of a vast network. This realization brought with it a sense of balance; while I may struggle with feelings of insignificance, I also have the capacity to impact others positively.

3. Become Useful Embracing the idea of usefulness became a cornerstone of my philosophy. I found that contributing to the well-being of others not only fostered a sense of purpose within me but also strengthened the community around me.

By focusing on how I could support others—whether as a father, partner, or friend—I began to see the interconnectedness of our experiences and the importance of collaboration.

4. I Chose My Damn Sacrifice Inspired by the teachings of Jordan Peterson, I recognized that personal growth requires sacrifice. To avoid becoming stagnant, I needed to let go of certain comforts and commit to responsibilities. This meant prioritizing my family, work, and personal well-being over fleeting pleasures.

Embracing responsibility empowered me and shifted my focus away from self-pity towards constructive action. I stopped romanticizing my depression and instead acknowledged it as a part of my journey—something that I could learn from and grow beyond.

5. Welcome Responsibility The culmination of my insights led to an understanding that with responsibility comes accountability. While it can be daunting, facing our responsibilities head-on is essential for growth and healing.

I realized that by taking charge of my life and making conscious choices, I could reclaim my sense of agency. This journey is ongoing, but I have learned that it is possible to cultivate a healthier and more fulfilling perspective on life.

These philosophical insights have played a significant role in my journey, and while they are personal, I hope they resonate with you as well. Overcoming depression is a gradual process, and seeking information and support that speaks to your experience is vital.

Read more on The Good Men Project on Medium:

• 25 Lessons From an Unhealthy Relationship
• Dear Lover: I Don’t Want Your Loyalty
• My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The story was previously published on The Good Men Project.

About Sean Clarke Sean Clarke is a father, writer, and introspective thinker. After confronting anxiety and depression, he now shares his insights on mental health, fatherhood, and healthy living. Discover more at https://www.projectenergise.com/