How It All Began

It's no secret that engineers and salespeople often struggle to collaborate effectively. In every organization I’ve been a part of, these two groups seemed to be on divergent paths. They frequently occupied separate lunch tables, adhered to different schedules, and dressed distinctly. It was clear who belonged to engineering and who belonged to sales.

Stories of the “other” were commonplace—like the sales team promoting features that didn’t exist and pressuring engineers to deliver them under tight deadlines without prior discussions about feasibility. As a junior engineer, I accepted these narratives without question, eager to fit in with my team.

Years later, as a team lead, I felt it was my duty to shield my engineers from upper management, particularly the sales department. I resisted any demands that could disrupt my team’s focus, such as shifting roadmaps or unrealistic timelines.

One Monday morning, I entered the office ready to tackle the week ahead, only to be summoned for a meeting that ended with me packing up my desk. I had been laid off—just like that, over coffee. The company I had dedicated myself to for three years let me go without so much as a thank you.

The shock of unexpected layoffs is profound. I remember the disbelief and pain I felt during that walk home. It took time to come to terms with my situation and reflect on the role my attitude played in it. I realized my failure to empathize with others had contributed to this outcome.

What is Empathy and Why It Matters for Engineers

At its core, empathy involves two key abilities: understanding and sharing the feelings of others. Cognitive empathy allows us to grasp another's perspective, while emotional empathy enables us to resonate with their feelings. Though experts often differentiate the two, I'll use "empathy" to encompass both.

In today's world, marked by challenges such as the pandemic and increased virtual communication, empathic interactions have become more crucial than ever. Former President Barack Obama aptly stated that our society suffers from an empathy deficit.

Empathy is recognized as a vital leadership skill that can influence organizational dynamics, but it is equally important for engineers. By understanding the needs of customers and colleagues, we can enhance communication, make informed decisions, and foster productive collaborations.

Empathetic engineers are better equipped to assess the potential impacts of their work on various communities, especially those that are marginalized. This ability not only helps bridge differences but also encourages innovative problem-solving.

As Francesca Gino, a Harvard Business School professor, explains, empathy fosters meaningful connections that can transform our perceptions of one another. Likewise, Dr. Jeffrey Sanchez-Burks emphasizes that collaboration—essential for new ideas to flourish—requires empathy.

How to Cultivate Empathy

Fortunately, empathy is a skill we can develop. Neuroscience research suggests that our brains are wired for empathic understanding. Almost anyone can enhance their empathetic abilities through practice.

Where to Start

A helpful initial step is to evaluate your own levels of empathy. Neuropsychologist Simon Baron-Cohen created a test called “Reading the Mind in the Eyes,” which involves identifying feelings based on pictures of people’s eyes.

Research indicates that teams whose members perform well on this test tend to excel in problem-solving. Factors such as equal participation in discussions and team diversity also play a role in team performance.

Everyday Empathy for Engineers

One critical area for fostering empathy within engineering is during reviews—whether they involve documents, code, or pull requests. The tone and approach we take can profoundly impact our team's dynamics.

To cultivate a more constructive environment, consider these practices:

• Offer suggestions rather than commands.
• Emphasize positive intent and encourage open dialogue.
• Acknowledge that multiple solutions often exist.
• Provide context for your feedback.
• Cite references to support your comments.
• Give credit where it’s due.

While empathy is crucial, it can also be mentally taxing. It’s essential to recognize its limits; overextending ourselves can hinder performance.

Returning to the Beginning

“Perfect is the enemy of good.” — Voltaire

The differences between engineers and salespeople often stem from distinct thought processes, communication styles, and focuses on customer needs. However, with mutual understanding and flexibility, effective collaboration is achievable.

Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, underscored the importance of empathy in the workplace during his 2017 commencement address, urging graduates to reject the notion that empathy should be excluded from their careers.

Empathy is not just about individual interactions; it cultivates an environment where employees can recover from challenging situations, such as layoffs, more readily. While many CEOs recognize empathy's significance, a mere fraction of companies provide empathy training.

As a member of Amazon's Principal Engineering Community, I appreciate our commitment to empathy, which encourages a culture of respect and collaboration.

Closing Thoughts

In 2011, Nokia's CEO announced a major restructuring that led to significant layoffs, including my own. Despite the pain of that experience, I found solace in the supportive environment we had, which allowed us to process our feelings and say our goodbyes.

Recent stories of abrupt layoffs via impersonal methods highlight the need for empathy in challenging situations. As social psychologist Arie Kruglanski noted, people have a "need for closure," and a lack of empathy can lead to lasting harm.

Adrian

In this TEDx talk, Ann McMahon explores the role of empathy in engineering, emphasizing its importance in fostering connections and understanding within teams.

This video discusses the essential traits every software developer should cultivate, including empathy, to thrive in their careers and improve team dynamics.